Variety is the name of the game at G-A-Y Camp Attack every Friday, and if Musical Theatre is your thing then ‘It’s Showtime’, hosted by Mary Mac and Tanya Hyde (two of the biggest West End Wendy’s around!) in the club’s Departure Lounge, will have you air-grabbing and power lip-syncing like a demented Elaine Page.
As well as pumping out tunes all night long the two sequined sirens invite lovers of the stage to have their turn in the spotlight in their high camp open mic competition. This week, Jason Reid finds out the girls’ top tips to becoming a ‘Showtime superstar’, and what you should or shouldn’t be emulating with their best and worst live stage performances of all time…
DO work the crowd and have fun. It’s not The Voice, but if it’s dreadful we will swivel ‘round on our chairs and avoid you for the rest of the evening.
DON’T invite your tone-deaf friends onstage. Sometimes a really good singer gets up for a duet, only for their friend to murder the song for them. Believe in yourselves!
DO pick a song you’d want to hear in a club. Whitney, Beyoncé, Gaga or a bit of camp Musical Theatre are all fun and big crowd pleasers.
DON’T go all Britain’s Got Talent on us. The odd reveler will inexplicably have no intention of singing, instead using their stage time as an opportunity to start twerking awkwardly to Beyoncé, tell a joke or even pole dance with the microphone stand. Yes, it happens. No, we won’t be impressed.
DO remember that talent is attractive. Some fitty could be standing watching you and not only could you win the chance to duet with one of us, but you may also have someone to snog on the night bus home.
DON’T be shy. Sing out Louise! And get the crowd to sing along, too; work it like Mama Christina and always keep going ‘til the end of the song.
DO know your alcohol limit. You really don’t want to be ‘that person’ who is so drunk they don’t know the song has ended, and are still butchering ‘All By Myself’ with us having to wrestle the microphone to safety. Not a good look!
DON’T be better than us as we are jealous bitches and we’ll have you removed by security if you are. [both laugh]
DON’T just laugh. Trust us, you’ll be the only person giggling away; you don’t want the gays turning on you. That can be nastier than Naomi Campbell faced with a girl in kitten heels.
Finally, and most importantly, if you do win and get the ultimate honour of having a duet with one of us, as the great RuPaul would say, Don’t fuck it up!’
BEST LIVE PERFORMANCE
Mary Mac
Celine Dion – ‘Memory’
This is my ultimate guilty pleasure not only because she sings the Shirley out of the Lloyd Webber classic but mainly because she is dressed a cat. When you come down to ‘It’s Showtime’ and fancy taking on any classic Musical Theatre song I will love you forever if you riff it up like Celine. The cat suit is optional…
Tanya Hyde
Alexandra Burke & Beyoncé – ‘Listen’For me, this duet is just flawless. Both artists show off their vocal ability to the max without turning it into a battle, which is hard to do; you really have to trust that your partner has your back and compliments you. It still gives me shivers whenever I watch it.
WORST LIVE PERFORMANCE
Mary Mac
Miss Lake Dardanelle – ‘And I Am Telling You’
I adore this song to listen to and to sing, but this has got to be the most entertaining version ever. Part of a “talent” round in an American pageant, this poor girl murders every note possible with the end being a real treat. Top points for bravery though and if nothing else it puts a big smile on my face.
Tanya Hyde
Indina Menzel – ‘Defying Gravity’
I hate to admit it, as I adore her, but my worst has to be Indina’s performance of this song at the 2006 Royal Variety Performance. It’s a tough song to sing at the best of times, as Mary and I can vouch for. The poor thing wasn’t fighting fit and proved if you can’t give it 100% the audience will always be able to tell.
• G-A-Y Camp Attack at Heaven (Villiers Street, WC2N 6NG) every Friday, 11pm-4am. FREE with wristband from G-A-Y Bar.
