London’s gay scene can be a wonderful place. It’s full of colourful characters, drag queens and guys that can become your Mr Right Now, your next best friend for the night, or a real friend forever. As with everything in life, it’s all down to balance. Managing your nights out so they go hand-in-hand with your responsibilities to your health, work, friends and families is essential if you are going to dip your toe into the disco, and then walk away with your sanity. But what happens when the allure of the lights and glitter gets too much, and you find yourself sucked into a life without any control, jumping from one sex-fuelled chill out to another, and before you know it you’ve lost another weekend app-hopping and snorting bumps until your nose bleeds? At last month’s Let’s Talk About Gay Sex and Drugs event Anthony Gilét presented this very personal poem about just that experience…
It’s funny, this vacuum that we call the Scene,
Where from the outside it glistens and gleams
But once you’re inside, the strobes aren’t as bright,
All the beats sound the same and the meph ain’t as white,
But there’s parties galore and sex at your feet
And all it wants in return is your health and your sleep
Not much to pay for the time of your life
So let’s spend all our savings and wear a fake smile,
We feel like we’re flying, but we’re just stuck on the ride
But all that shit’s irrelevant when you’re chasing the high
Why are we chasing the high instead of chasing our dreams?
What happened to the hopes we had in our teens?
Forget about college, enrol in the club
And leave with a first grade diploma in being a scrub.
Why not add up all the time you’ve spent in the GUM,
And there’s a rough price for all your hours of fun.
Gonoreah again? oh what a shame,
Must have caught it from whats-his-name.
To tell you the truth, it could have been his mate, or even a mate of his,
But that’s what comes with the life you live
“I can’t go out,I’ve got work in the morning”
Just phone in sick girl there’s a chem-sesh calling
So many notches, your bedposts a toothpick
But why get a rep for the sake of a few pricks?
We both know it’s not worth it, but I’ll take a gram just in case,
We can find a cure for AIDs by getting off our face
When sweaty bodies collide, is there really much harm?
When a 1.5 means you can skip the flirt and the charm.
I’m not anti-drugs, that’s not my point
Cause life is definitely better when you skin up a joint
But when it starts as fun and it ends in tatters
Perhaps you should ask what really matters
Monday comes closer and the grams turn to dust,
Just one more bag of shit you can’t trust
You haven’t slept in 3 days, but it’s just not enough
‘Cause when addiction consumes you, it takes all you love
Your body concaves and you’ve aged ten years
But it’s totally cool if you just follow your peers
Why did I bother? Such a waste of time
But Thursdays aren’t Thursdays without a few lines
Do you remember, way back when…
if a night was shit, you’d just go home to bed?
Now if it’s shit, a bumps the solution
To whip your weekend in to fucked up confusion
You know something’s wrong, and this is the crux:
you’ve swapped all you’re friends for dealers and sluts
Invisible bonds based solely on drugs,
Where you exchange baggies but never a hug
The fucking is there, but the emotion is lost, and
The guys aren’t so pretty when the drugs wear off
They’re addicted to sex and they’re addicted to cock
But where is the fun if the party’s non stop?
The vacuum is as empty as the souls it holds
Until the souls look around and the party gets old
They decide to exert some self-control
Move away from the harm, break out of the mould
If you leave it behind and resist the allure
It doesn’t make you old, it just makes you mature.
So when you decide that it isn’t for you
Don’t feel ashamed, just try and take your friends too
• Let’s Talk About Gay Sex & Drugs is at Manbar (79 Charing Cross Road, Soho, WC2H 0NE) on Monday 9th June, 6-8pm. Free entry.
