Kicking off at the Two Brewers this week, BALL, a new pop couture night from the boys at Titans London Football Club, will see dynamic drag duo CK being joined by singer Jade Ewen (Sugababes and UK Eurovision entrant).
Jason Reid decided to pin the glamorous pair down and have them endure a very tongue-in-cheek quiz, to find out: Which ex-ex-ex pop group member are you? You know, like those totally random, not annoying in the slightest, and ever so accurate quizzes that pollute your news feed on Facebook. “Oh look, how fabulous, the 80’s TV personality I look most like is Floella Benjamin?” Got it? Good! Let’s go…
Which pouting TV talent show judge would you rather be?
Will.i.am
Simon Cowell
Jennifer Lopez
Amanda Holden – Kelly/Crystal
When you wake up in the morning what is the first thing you are inclined to do?
Check Facebook – Kelly
Hit the snooze button
Stretch and fart – Crystal
Hug your partner
Which overpriced high street coffee chain do you frequent?
Costa
Starbucks – Crystal
Caffe Nero
Pret A Manger – Kelly
If you were a cloud in the sky, what decade would your cloud be from?
1980’s – Crystal
1990’s
2000’s – Kelly
2010’s
Which of these slightly unhinged musical divas would you like to spend a night on the lash with? 
Mariah Carey
Whitney Houston – Crystal
Celine Dion
Diana Ross – Kelly
Choose a BBC headline from 1998.
“George Michael arrested over `lewd act’.”
“Transsexual Eurovision winner stirs up passions.” – Kelly
“The Sun changes mind over gays.” – Crystal
“Steps split: Is it a Tragedy?”
Which of these trashy TV shows is your preferred guilty pleasure?
TOWIE – Kelly
Big Brother
Geordie Shore
Judge Judy – Crystal
Choose the far-flung destination that most appeals to you.
Australia – Kelly/Crystal
India
New Zealand
Colombia
Which of these shops wouldyou buy a tin of spaghetti hoops from?
Lidl
Tesco
Waitrose
Morrisons – Kelly/Crystal
Crystal D’Canter: YOU ARE… Siobhan Fahey from Bananarama.
An 80’s girl at heart, you love nothing more than bopping around to some high camp, handbag tunes while sucking on some Spangles. Down to earth, well travelled and willing to try new things. Shakespeare may be your new sister but your heart will always lie in Venus.
Kelly Mild: YOU ARE: Mutya Buena from The Sugababes.
WELL, this is, errrrrrrm, awkward… Just like Mutya you always try to be original in all that you do. A real girl who thrives on working with others and being around fun people whilst always managing to stand out from the crowd. You may end up working in DFS, sorry I meant as part of MKS, but whatever you do you do it with bundles of self-assurance.
• CK perform at BALL at Two Brewers (114 Clapham High Street, SW4 7UJ) on Friday 26th September, 5pm-4am. Free b4 10pm, £7 after.
