First things first – who should you vote for? Here’s a brief intro to the party leaders:
David Cameron – Conservative
An insane capitalist tyrant who must be stopped. Definitely a candidate for having touched a bum hole at Eton.
Ed Miliband – Labour
An insane communist despot who must be stopped. Has his own teenage-groupie hashtag #milifandom (not a joke).
Nick Clegg – Liberal Democrat
Poor Michelle.
Natalie Bennett – Green
Her real name is ‘Dream Forest’ and she lives on a mung bean farm.
Nicola Sturgeon – Scottish National Party
Fishy realness. Loves to scalp English people with her big Scottish claws.
Nigel Farage – New Monster Raving Loony Party
Who?
Who Wore it Best?
Daves totally nails the cutesy “vote for me” vibes in this striking summer two-piece. Pairing the navy blue suit with the complimentary royal blue tie and revealing white shirt, brings out the softness of his complexion but still says he’s the leader of the fashion-pack. But uh-oh, just a few weeks earlier someone else was spotted in the same thing…
Ed is normally more experimental with his fashion choices (remember the nude latex body suit?), so it’s nice to see him pared down in simple, elegant chic for a change. And boy can he work it! The white shirt says he’s ready for business but the blue tie shows he’s still got a wild side. Watch out for this one on the streets of Doncaster North!
Cleggy has taken a fashion beating of late, but with this forward-thinking, and oh-so-revealing number he’s put himself right back in the game. The chic line of the lapel flatters his weather-beaten demeanour, and he pairs it brilliantly with just the right level of accessories. None.
The Winner
All three work this look amazingly, with their own unique style, and looking super foxy! It’s a tough call, but we think Cleggy just pips it; his rock-star hair and devil-may care smile give him the fashion edge.
Party Leader Dating Profiles
Cameron
Profile Name: OiOiEtonboi
Role: Top
About mxe: Just a sane sorted normal guy looking for slaves.
Clegg
Profile name: Looking4luv
Role: Bottom
About me: Lonely guy searching for Mr Right or just someone who gets me! LOL. Open to anything really. Will reply to all msgs.
Miliband
Profile name: RedEdDudemeister
Role: Vers
About me: Into cosy nights in, drinks with pals and World of Warcraft. Love to wrestle.
Sturgeon
Profile name: Scotgal_2015
Role: Top
About me: New to this. Looking for English ladz to dominate.
No timewasters.
Bennett
Profile name: mysticdragontamer
Role: Vers
About me: Cat loving laid back chick. Love sunsets, BDSM and extreme feet play.
Farage
Profile name: 3lions_brit
Role: Bottom
About me: Married guy. Not into hook ups. Just looking. PM me.
• The People’s Republic of Bourgeois of Maurice is at Brighton Spiegeltent on 9th May. www.brightonspiegeltent.com
• Middle of the Road with David Hoyle is at Soho Theatre 3rd-13th June. www.sohotheatre.com
