FAGGY OKAY is the weekly free karaoke meltdown in The Glory’s infamous boozy basement, The Hole. We asked its host and resident loudmouth Ginger Jonson to give us a rundown of the House Rules to give you a head start against the competition – there’s a shiny crown and a bottle of prosecco in it for the winner every week, so take note!
1. Don’t be shit
It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that you’re here to have fun. Not true. You’re here to be GOOD, so if you haven’t got the pipes to belt out some Britney, you better know all the dance moves and bring your own pyrotechnics.
2. Dress Appropriately
Brave Sartorial choices are encouraged: slut boots, jock straps, jumpsuits, wig caps, Topshop crop tops, perspex heels, protective eyewear.
3. Never give up
The secret to FAGGY OKAY success is to just keep singing, whatever you’re faced with.
4. Admit Defeat
Having said that, when it’s over, it’s over. If time is called on your performance, hand back the microphone, gather up your clothes from the stage, and skulk off to the bar to lick your wounds. Or do shots. Probably shots.
5. Dance
You say ‘instrumental’ we say ‘dance break’! Extra credit will be given for movement skills in both rhythmic and avant-garde disciplines. Slut dropping encouraged.
6. Familiarise yourself with the musical works of Ricky Martin
Not only is an in-depth knowledge of Puerto Rico’s premier poofter a cornerstone of good gay knowledge, he is also a FAGGY OKAY mainstay in times of desperation. Also, imagine the adorable little shoes Ricky could buy for his gay babies if we all spent 79p on iTunes to buy ‘She Bangs.’
7. Be Flexible
Your request slip might say ‘Celine’, but if your aura says ‘Sugababes’, that’s what you’ll be singing. Full aura readings are available from Ginger between numbers. £10 for the complete service and wipe-down. Cash only.
8. Bring A Squad
Entourage is key. Backing dancers, warm-up acts, cheerleaders, photographers, agents, fluffers, and someone to blame Friday’s hangover on, are all welcomed and encouraged. Each week the winner is decided by popular vote, so the more people that are on your side, the more likely you are to snatch the crown (and the prosecco!) Losers will be shot on site.
9. Know The Song
We’ll take care of the lyrics and supply with backing tracks of a quality rivaled only by the ringtones on a Nokia 3210. The very least you can do is have a vague concept of how the two fit together. Or take your top off.
10. SMILE
Crying is also acceptable.
• FAGGY OKAY is free and runs every Thursday at The Glory from 8-12. Get down early to guarantee your singing slot!
• The Glory, 281 Kingsland Road, E2 8AS.
Photos: Mark Storey
