Hits, bits & shits…
It’s time to put on a nightie and start masturbating over your Daddy fantasies again, because Droopy Del Rey has got a new album out. Honeymoon is thankfully a much better record than Ultraviolence in my important opinion, mainly because Ultraviolence was quite shit. With the exceptions of “Florida Kilos” which was about doing drugs with your gangster Latino fuckpiece on a summer holiday and “Fucked My Way Up to the Top” which is clearly based on my career trajectory at QX. Honeymoon features a welcome return to the trip-hop-meets-sadcore sound of her debut Born to Die, whilst retaining the retro-Hollywood aesthetics she’s been carefully honing over the last few years. Think bareback sex in a Bentley parked on the Boulevard with a big record label boss. At sunset. Whilst high on benzodiazepines. Oh Droopy. You just get me.
Demi Lovato is apparently pop’s master troll, admitting that her proclamation of undying love of mugs (after being asked what her favourite dish was), was a sarcastic answer at the reporter’s expense. She then followed this up with an Instagram post of herself covered in cups. Regardless of whether this is truly her sense of humour or just masterful backpedalling after Muggate, we like it. Plus we’re still lezzing off to her anthem “Clit for the Summer”, so whatever. She’s got a taste for the cherry and now a taste for bone china too. Don’t we all, babe.
My favourite Baajan fanny patter Rihanna has gone on record to say that we don’t have her latest album yet because “It’s not done.” Any reason why isn’t it done babe? It seemed kind of done a few months ago but then “Bitch Better Have my Money” and “American Oxygen” flopped because they were shockingly shit. So when you say “it’s not done”, I’m more inclined to believe someone at the record label dragged you back into the recording studio by your tit, locked you in and slipped a note under the door, with “BITCH BETTA HAVE MORE BANGERZ” scrawled on one side, and “OR ELSE” on the other, accompanied by a crudely drawn image of RiRi’s green card.
