Former Barcelona resident Danny Polaris reflects on the recent terror attack.
Last Thursday while I was writing up a review of the Matinee Circuit Festival’s Waterpark Party, thinking about how I was gutted to have missed all the fun this year, about the initialled speedos I’d lost one time, about waking up in an ornamental bush the year before and all the intense relationships I’d had over the course of a week in Circuit 2013, the news hit.
Barcelona, my home between 2012 and 2014, had been hit by a terror attack. As soon as I heard the initial reports about a truck and Las Ramblas, my mind’s eye flashed back to the many times I’d huffed and puffed at slow-walking tourists and families along that street during the busy, sundrenched daytime.
Some of my best friends still live in the city and the next hour was spent frantically calling them as I cried at the TV screen. We’d never thought that our home would be immune from the horrors of terrorism, but as life unfolds at such a laid-back pace here, we had never been afraid of a potential attack. Not in Barcelona. Why would anyone want to hurt our chilled-out party city by the sea?
Watching the dreadful news was somehow more frightening and chilling than it had been watching it in London, just a few months before, my flat only two stops away from the evil unfolding in Borough Market. As Londoners we know that our city is a top terrorist target, and we’ve gotten used to facing up to this danger every day. Terror is terror, and every life lost to terror is a tragedy, regardless of the when or where. But thinking of my friends and family in the peaceful haven of Barcelona going through so much unparalleled fear and pain was something I struggled to deal with.
24 hours later, Las Ramblas was once again packed out with tourists and locals alike, sending a clear message of defiance in the face of terror. The vigil in Plaça de Catalunya had ended in a spontaneous chant of “No tinc por!” (I am not afraid). This city was tougher and more resilient than I’d given it credit for.
My memories of Barcelona life were being pulled up all around me. The small side streets of the Old Town that I’d run through at night on the way to the next bar, club or Grindr hookup were now all over the newspapers and TV. I’d never fully integrated in a gay scene that has two rounds of languages to go through before you’re really involved – Spanish and Catalan. However I’d made it my home, sharing it with friends from all around the world.
My best friend, Chris Pennington from Alabama, has lived there for over ten years. He was on the gay beach, Mar Bella, when the news started to filter through the crowds of party boys that had flown in for the 10th Anniversary of the Matinee Circuit Festival. He said:
“The party mood very quickly changed, with lots of people rushing back to their homes or hotels, eager to find news of friends and loved ones. Dance music was replaced by silence and a sombre mood. However there were still pockets of guys who were carrying on partying regardless. They weren’t going to let anything stop them.”
A few years ago, I’d have probably been one of them. The weeks of the Matinee Circuit Festivals were always my most intense and memory-filled occasions, where I’d hit it harder and longer than any other time of the year. Meeting, loving and laughing with so many diverse and wonderful people from around the world filled me with excitement, adrenaline, and lot of other things. I would rarely blink in case I missed something, let along go home and sleep.
But Thursday’s attack was unprecedented, leading Circuit organisers to cancel the huge party scheduled to take place that night. On Facebook they wrote:
“Today is not a day for dancing. In a show of respect and solidarity with the victims, and condemnation for the events on Las Ramblas, the party planned for tonight at Razzmatazz will not be held.
Our thoughts are with the victims and their loved ones. Barcelona and what it represents, its citizens and all the people who love this city: we are more united than ever. Circuit Festival will continue as of tomorrow with the planned programme.
We’ll continue on stronger than ever. Together, we’re unstoppable.”
Many of you reading this will have known people in Barcelona at the time of the attacks. DJ Tom Stephan had flown in the day before. He told me his story:
“Having been traveling nonstop all summer, my first thought when I arrived in Barcelona on Wednesday for the Circuit Festival was – wow, Spanish people are so friendly. So happy. So untroubled. I had lunch on Las Ramblas, as you do. Great food, sunshine, beautiful people. I was reminded of how much I love this city.
“Back in my hotel, watching it all unfold on the news, I was considering how a few different choices may have put me right there. I also thought about how those people were just like me. Walking down this lovely street enjoying the beautiful weather with family and friends.
“Someone commented on my Facebook page that they might not now come to Barcelona next year. This certainly will not stop me from traveling to Barcelona or any other city. Sadly these attacks could happen anywhere. But I’m not staying home and worrying. The party Friday night was full of the most amazing energy and I couldn’t have been happier than to be there in a room full of people celebrating life, not hiding from it.”
Next week I’m going back to Barcelona, to light a candle on the Ramblas in respect to the victims of last week’s attack, then to burn my own candle at both ends with my best friend, in celebration of the city’s unflappable spirit.
May Barcelona, ‘like a jewel in the sun’ – as Freddy Mercury famously sang – continue to shine as a beacon of freedom, love and now, survival.
