We have to admit something. We’re suffering from Timothée Chalamet fatigue. Skinny boys who look like they haven’t slept in weeks are taking over, and it’s time that these daddies made a comeback as our sex symbols. How experienced do you think that those young whipper-snappers are when it comes to bumping uglies? Exactly, not very. That’s why we’re into an older man who’s been around the block, down the rpad and then took a sharp left. We could all do with a little salt and pepper to flavour up our lives, so here are our top picks for actors that have aged like a vintage pair of Levi jeans.
George Clooney, 57 (duh)
Thought we’d get the obvious one out of the way. There is no other public figure that is as synonymous with handsome-ness as George Clooney. He’s now not only entering daddy territory, but it was announced this week that he’s the highest paid actor IN THE WORLD. Nothing makes an older man hotter than a big fat throbbing wallet. We know you’re thinking that he was just as attractive in his early career, but one quick google of his early headshots is enough to tell you he’s most definitely gotten better looking over the years.
Jason Statham, 51
Ooo rah, Jaison Shtaiffam. His accent alone has us swooning. The quintessential hard has been a thuggish heartthrob for almost two decades, and lucky for us he’s been the same in every single movie he’s ever done. Pure. Matcho. Perfection. Rocking a buzz cut is not something all men can do, but his bountiful chest more than makes up for it. He went under the radar for a little but made an epic comeback last year with The Meg, showing the Hemsworths of this world how you do a shirtless scene. OFT.
Jeff Goldblum, 66 (also duh)
The thinking man’s heart-throb. You know that after a tumble in the hay he’ll want to read you an intriguing Guardian article about the traumatic history of fabric weaving. He’s always intense in thought, which means that if you were to become only thought it would be… intense. Unfortunately, we haven’t been blessed with an on-screen topless scene from mister Goldblum for a while, but we’re sure that his dancer wife is keeping him lean and limber.
Jeff Bridges, 69
Don’t you want to just nuzzle under his arm while he drinks a beer, binges on KFC and ignores you? We feel that’s the kind of guy Jeff is. He’ll eventually get around to you once the big game’s over. Turns out he’s quite the quirky guy actually. Have a scroll through his Instagram (YES, Bridges is on the insta) and you’ll find him posing with spatulas and shouting out various political causes. What is it about Jeffs that we can’t stay away from?
Kevin Costner, 64
Silver fox? PAH, we’ll be over here Dancing with this silver Wolf. He’s one of those actors that is the general zeitgeist but is somehow never on the tip of anyone’s tongues when it comes to heartthrob. His cabinets are packed to the brim with glittering golden awards, including two Oscars. He’s making his way back into our lives with a Netflix movie next month, sure to re-establish him as a go-to hottie patottie.
Ernie Hudson, 73!
He’s had way more than ghosts busting over the years. As part of the iconic foursome, he sorted out those ghosts with the powerful stream from his power pack. We wouldn’t mind getting drenched in his ectoplasm. Okay, well stop now. Following his guest role on Grace and Frankie, we haven’t been able to stop thinking about him. He’s got that handsome news anchor vibe going for him, and we’re just obsessed.
Ron Perlman, 68
Okay, hear us out. He might not be an obvious choice but there’s something about his brutish look that is strangely alluring. We can be the only ones that were into him in Hellboy, right? … Right?! He’s been in some stonkers lately, but we can look past that. A story went around last year that he’d pissed on his hands before shaking hands with Harvey Weinstein at a charity event, so you know he’d been into some freaky sex stuff.
Jeffrey Dean Morgan, 52
He has gay nerds the world over hot under the collar on The Walking Dead. If you were to ask us to draw a handsome older man, this is exactly what we’d come up with. You know he’s a sweetie because back in 2014 he and his friend Paul Rudd saved a Sweep Shop from closing after the owner died suddenly. If we were in a room with him and his friend Paul Rudd we don’t think we’d be able to keep our clothes on.
Jamie Lee Curtis, 60
She has that big dick energy in bucketfuls. A milf by anyone’s standards, she’s the actress that even gay men would say “I would”. Sure she was cute in the first Halloween movie, but now in her prime, there’s really no stopping her. She seems like the kind of woman who knows what she wants and goes for it.
Dennis Quaid, 64
Ever since Lindsey Lohan played both his British and American daughter in The Parent Trap we knew that he was going to have a re-occurring role in our sexual fantasies. He’s a Hollywood go-to for playing those dad roles, but did you know he’s now a musician? He performs regularly with Dennis Quaid and the Sharks, so a post-coital sing-along is a must.
