How to stick to your gay gym routine in London …
Yes, it’s that damn blasted time of year again where you strip away all the things you love in life, from carbohydrates to cosmopolitans, all in a bid to make this YOUR year. All across the world, the gays are deleting their Deliveroo accounts and signing away a hefty proportion of their wages to joining a fancy gay gym.
It’s a hard thing to keep going! One mid-week night out, or late night hook up and you can’t be bothered getting out of bed the next morning. When faced with the choice between an extra hour in bed and sweating in fluorescent lighting, you know which one you’re going to pick…
We’ve got your back here at QX, so to make sure you stay on track for your 2019 summer body we’ve rounded up some tips to make sure working out works out for you.
Tell literally everyone that you’re going to a gay gym!
Peer pressure is often given a bad rep like forcing school kids to try their first ciggy or the making of the Ab Fab movie. In this case, you can use it to motivate you. From mothers to co-workers, EVERYONE should know that you intend to go to the gym regularly. Even your mailman should be asking you how the gym’s going. The more you’re asked about it, the worse not going’s gonna make you feel. Feeling bad about yourself is why gyms are still a thing.
Gay gym pics are off limits
So you’re in the gym for the third time, like, ever, and you whip out the insta so you can send out a picture of you at the gym. Just before posting just STOP yourself. Keeping up an illusion that you’re a gym bunny is no help to yourself. INSTEAD, post every time you don’t go. Post pictures of yourself ordering that second Dominos of the night or of watching another episode of Cruising with Jane McDonald instead of banging it on the treadmill. Or post pictures of the increasing number of stomach folds you have when you sit down. You bet your damned ass you’ll be going to the gym when you see those followers leave you. Unless you accidentally become a role model for body positivity and the followers come flooding in… in that case you do you Ashley Gay-ham.
Keep Gym Motivated…
It seems that literally, EVERYONE has a six pack these days. You scroll through Tindr and it’s beach pic after beach pic of toned beauties who you’ll never match with. You’re dancing in the club having a fun night until a muscle queen comes and dances next to you, have you feeling like a big pile of unbaked bread dough. It doesn’t have to be this way. The difference between you and them is they do some moving in a room for a bit each day. THAT’S ALL. They aren’t any better than you. They just think that they are. Take that away from them by being even fitter. You’ll be sure to bump into that hottie who rejected you in a few months, and his tears can we t your chiselled abs when you rub his face in them. HA!
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Jeze James (@JEZEBELLIOT) is a fitness guru who has trained members at Sweatbox Gym
Grindr is your friend at the gay gym
Okay, hear us out. We’re pretty sure that it’s against the rules of every gym in this country to hook up in the showers (not that that stops you, you filthy buggers). You’ve gone to the gym to get fit, not to be on your phone and maybe get lucky. Having said that, a little scroll can’t hurt. It might be intimidating to head over to a gym that’s full of big muscle guys, especially if they’re talking about the “gash they smashed last weekend”. A quick scroll on the app can remind you that you’re not the only homo there, and that scary guy you think is giving you homophobic stink-eye is actually just trying to flirt.
PLUS, an extra tip, Grindr is actually a great place to make a gym buddy. Friends are just going to distract you at the gym, a potential hook-up will keep you on your toes. Then they’re the sex that follows which isn’t bad either…
Keep your eyes on that squat machine
If he’s spending a disproportionate amount of time working out his gluteus maximus then you know you’ll want to keep an eye on him. Seeing a little honey working his booty out on that step machine makes the gymming all worthwhile. He’s tossing his imaginary ponytail back and flicking those toes like a Bolshoi ballerina. Hopping on the elliptical directly behind him will keep you running, like a donkey with a carrot dangled in front of his nose.
GET THAT GAY GYM MIX, BETCH
Shakespeare called music the food of love, but he didn’t have to keep his body snatched for his social media so what the hell did he know. Music is actually the lady yelling ‘yas queen’ behind you while you’re trying to lose that extra pound.
From the outside you look like a big gruff man being all hard and that but in between your headphones you’re Beyonce at Coachella. You’re Britney at Brighton Pride. You’re Gaga opening her Vegas residency.
You can be Chuck Norris levels of masc on the outside, and Frankie Grande levels of gay on the inside. All gym playlist should include at least five Britney songs, two drag queen parody songs and a sad one you can run dramatically to.
Sweatbox gym and sauna membership sale £495, normally £750!
Sweatbox: Naked Workout In Soho Gay Gym – Every Sunday
