On the London Overground, I find myself swiping at the glitter clinging stubbornly to my eyelids, remnants from last night´s rave at The Cause, a venue I have already started to fall out of love with. As the train rattles along, I watch East London blur past, a myriad of stories layered over one another.
Last nights extravagance, all techno beats and sweaty torsos, was like throwing on armour. In a way, being this vibrant, this unapologetically queer, feels like the only way to be heard, to exist on our own terms. The world expects a spectacle, and I’ve always been happy to play along. But as the afternoon sun (or lack thereof) flickers by, a new question surfaces: what lies beyond this performance? It’s a thought I can’t quite dismiss. Growing up in Malaysia, Bollywood´s dramatic flair was my refuge, its heroines’ spirited defiance a blueprint for resilience. In London, queer hedonism was my liberation, a network of venues, friends, and lovers pulsing with freedom.
Yet, amid the sequins and the lights, I’ve begun to feel a familiar tension – a dissonance between the show and the truth beneath it. Was I truly being myself, or was I merely playing a part expected of me?
The train halts, jolting me from my thoughts. I am on the way to Central London and am about to meet my creative partner, Vasilis, for rehearsal. This April, I am set to perform a week-long run of my self-penned cabaret, The Bollywood Guide to Revenge, at the Soho Theatre.
It´s a beautiful show that acts as a canvas to explore the questions I´ve been musing on for a while. Recalling the defiance of my childhood Bollywood heroines and blending it with the audacious spirit of queer nightlife, the cabaret is more than camp and glitz. It´s a tender
unravelling, an exploration of the quieter truths hidden beneath my performative veneer. Performing the cabaret and singing Indian classical riffs on top of Vasilis´s thumping techno beats is like turning a diary into a symphony. The music we have created together is alchemy; it´s a fusion of Eastern traditions and Western sensibilities, jazz-infused Quranic recitations, and disco-driven Bollywood covers.
Together, we perform a harmony of seemingly conflicting parts, grounding each flashy moment in deep personal history.
As I step off the train, I let the glitter catch the light. Each glimmer reflects my heritage, identity, and performance. Yet, it’s in the shadows between these bright flashes that I find my peace.
In stripping down these layers, I begin to understand that true empowerment lies in embracing contradictions and finding authenticity amid expected roles. My cabaret isn’t just a spectacle; it’s a dialogue between my past and present, weaving the resilience of Bollywood heroines with the freedom of queer expression.
There’s a power in vulnerability, in letting the world see more than just the armour. It’s about daring to be raw and sincere in spaces meant for performance. The Bollywood Guide to Revenge invites everyone to look beyond the sequins and feel the strength in quietly existing beyond the norm. It’s what I wish for all queer folk—to discover that inherent power within themselves. Our existence is performance itself.
As I leave the stage each night, I hope the audience connects with a part of that reflection, seeing not just the vibrant show, but the complex layers beneath—a celebration of queer identity beyond expected forms.
When the lights fade, and the glitter settles, what’s left is a truth that’s both resilient and beautifully human, yearning to be lived, not just performed.
The Bollywood Guide to Revenge is runs from Tuesday 1st April – Saturday 5th April 2025, 8:30pm, at Soho Theatre Upstairs, 21 Dean Street, London W1D 3NE, United Kingdom.
Starring Shafeeq Shajahan (Satyam Shivam Sundaram, Soho Theatre; Clinic, Underbelly Theatre) alongside award-winning composer Vasilis Konstantinides, this camp-filled production will unleash a powerful, unapologetic Muslim narrative that will dazzle, disrupt, and captivate audiences.
★★★★★ Daring, bold, unapologetically human
Tatler Asia
Social Media: @liver_and_lung @shafeeqshajahan @unrealvas
All images supplied.
