20/11/14: Last Thursday saw the climax of weeks of preparations and heats as the Porn Idol Express steamed in to town for the last time this year.
Dishing out the compliments and critique from their first class cabin, Baga Chipz and Mary Mac were joined by the über fabulous Michelle Visage – singer, TV host, head judge from Ru Paul’s Drag Race, and indeed Ru Paul’s bestie, while in standard class 14 contestants prepared to bare all in their bid for the £1,000 cash prize.
As is befitting a grand final, all the performers put 100% into their acts with costumes and gimmicks galore. Bow ties around penises, nipple tassels, comedy chicken costumes, pole antics, gymnastic prowess and leather accoutrements were all paraded and flaunted for our delectation. But it was cutie Colby in American football attire that won our hearts, and the only three 10s from the judges, with a personalised pair of undies for each judge. When it came to dishing out the dosh, however, it was all down to a dance-off between Darren, a 24-year-old Essex pharmacist, and George (“please don’t show my cock in the magazine”), a 20-year-old economics student.
As Little Mix’s Jade watched from the VIP balcony and the confetti exploded overhead it was Darren’s performance that was given the gold star and £1,000 which sent him scurrying off to the nearest car dealership to put down a deposit on his first four wheels.
This year’s Porn Idol has been the best by miles. Guest judges from home shores and the US have really lifted the quality and enthusiasm of the contestants and made for many nights of brilliant entertainment. I have no idea what to do on a Thursday now until it returns in March! A huge well done to Jeremy and his dedicated team of boys for their weeks of relentless cajoling that resulted in this five star production.
Heaven, under the Arches, Villiers Street, Charing Cross, WC2N 6NG
Words by Chris Jepson
